On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
