between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
