What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I pour the whiskey from now on
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
