Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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