I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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