you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just gift wrapped bread.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
