i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
