i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
