I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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