ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
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