I wish my penis had an off switch
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
