I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
