Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
