She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
In America we eat man semen.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize