best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
