cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
