so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
