I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
