I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
