I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
