i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
