My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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