What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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