Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
