If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
