I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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