i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
