i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
