It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize