yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
