a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
