In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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