Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
