New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
