he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
