is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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