who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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