I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
