Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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