i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
