can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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