Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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