Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
