My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
