So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
