living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is my gift to your gina
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
