Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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