clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
