I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize