Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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