Just mADE A PArabola og urine
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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