My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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