You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
