quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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