My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
