Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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