am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
