i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just puked most of my soul out..
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