he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
