3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
