There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Semen is not good for contacts.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
