i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize