Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
