so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
