Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
