Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
