a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
