he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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