vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The air taste purple.
Randomize