Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
