P.S. I can't hear my feet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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