Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
