Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize