when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
