im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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