your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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