I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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