Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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