She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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