Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
