everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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