STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
