no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize