i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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