I'm going to jail i love you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
