My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
