He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
