i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
