You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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