You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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