Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
