So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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