Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
