First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
