i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize