We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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