I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she woke up with a sticky ear
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
